Rain

Its so sad to watch time fly
To see the weak perish
And the simple die
if I wake tomorrow morn
With sorrow and abandon born
And so filled with unrest
I'll close my hands
And leave the rest
Behind in a cloud
Of panic and misfortune
If only I can smile
When weather clears

The funeral

I just attended the funeral of the girl who died in October. I've spent most of this evening and now morning throwing away her things and deciding what I want to keep. Her funeral was brief. No one who loved her attended. Only me. And I did not love her. In her dying breath I lost the worst of her... but kept her insecurities. She was always willing to wear a mask and to dance for whomever was around. In the end she was a worn out husk. She couldn't keep going. She died in that first kiss. And now I'm here. I'm in her room. I use her computer. I take her classes. I refuse to wear a mask. Am I better for it? Maybe, but I'm hated for it too. I sit here, writing these things on her blog. This was HER blog. And yet the writing style is the same. The insecurities still securely lodged, so deep, that sometimes it chokes me, from the inside. I am the same girl that I was before, but not at all. This is my life. I can't allow others to change me, or let me decide to change for them. That girl is dead. And I am reborn. Four years from now, I will look back and even this version of me may be dead. But... at least I know now that it is a process, and with luck each time, something will change for the better.

Collapse

The tightness
in my throat
As she walks through the door
Her hair fills the room
My breath phrases falter
For I cannot seem to alter
The fear
The anxiety
the panic
the frustration
Might as well give up
No point in trying
This is the end
Of the singer in me.

Spring

The little snippets
Of green
Poke their heads
Above the brown
As if they
Are sneaking a peak
At the world
Before Spring
Innocent
Young
Little things
How terrible
The world must seem
But still
Without fail
You hope
That each spring
The world will be
A happy place.

Mortality

Frailness keeps
Us tangled here
And fear shall keep
Our lost breathe's unknown
In the shadows of the land
The wind shall call
The birds will twitter
The critters bicker
Safe under the pines
We shall remain
As our bodies melt away
In effortless decay

Ghost

Sweeping softly on the plains
I turn my head
With deep regret
To face the window there
And in the darkness
Of the setting stars
I feel the call
Upon my back
On I march
And still so near
The voice I no longer wish to hear
At the visage I stare
And she stares back at me
And though with the sun
She fades away
I can feel her eyes on mine
And the farther I tread
Be it fast or slow
She always catches up to me

The Depressing Couplet Poem

Hatred pours
for i find myself a bore
A wallowing mass
of blubber and gas
Which sets me to thinking
Hollow thoughts unending
Swallow me completely
But yet so discretely
That the world remains
And in fact attains
A separate air
And views my mind as fair
No one sees me slip
And take that fatal dip
Then the thoughts shall stop
And jaws shall drop
For their mortality shall stare
A glance they cannot bare
So after a few tears
They quench their fears
Shut the memory behind a door
And think of her no more