the fear of smiling

Nausea rises in my stomach
The cause unknown
Is it because I'm flirting
With chance and despair
Allowing unbridled desire
To take hold of my mind
Leaving me lost
And without regret
Or do I fear
That I will cause
The end of something great
Again... and yet
I see no reason
To fear an end
To fear for the worst
Though my hobby,
Is pointless now
So as the nausea rises,
I smile.

----

This is more than slightly a work in progress. When this ceases to become word vomit, it will lose this disclaimer.
Reveling in the present
Not thinking a

DREAM DIARY

Had a dream that she was biking to New York, and desperately trying to get to California or New York. She stopped in a beach town somewhere in Connecticut. She took off her shoes and placed her feet in the water. Then she started biking again. Her parents called her and she fell off her bike and hit the ground.

Logic of a Starved Mind

Why is my logic flawed?
Can you tell me why?
Are you telling me
To disbelieve my eyes?
How can I trust yours
If I can't trust mine?
Harsh you say? Perfectionist?
That's just not true!
I have a goal in mind
To fit a certain size
I will do it in time
Even if I have to die.

Window Pain

I'm sitting on the windowsill
With my back against the window
Let the cold soak in
Try to cool my heart
I look across the room to you
But I can't seem to meet your eye
Just can't bear to see you hurt
Especially knowing the reason why
If I could hold you in my arms,
I would.
You know I would if only I could
But I'm feeling lost
Too scared to take the leap
My heart beats fast,
But my mind moves slow
Can't cool this burning
This burning in my heart...
for you.
I'm sitting on the windowsill
With my back against the window
Let the cold soak in
Try to cool my heart
But it just won't chill
Just can't keep my distance
From you, from you.
If I could hold you in my arms,
I would.
You know I would if I could!
But I'm just so lost
Too scared to take the leap...
I'm sitting on the windowsill
With my back against the window.

The Dedication

Can you make a dedication?
Really? Really?
Something so insane!
Your actions crazy and wild
But you make me laugh
You make me smile
You hold me close
You don't let go
With you I can dream
And I can feel free
A world full of love
And yet free of pain.

whispering lies

In the dark of the night
Whispers will eat away my soul
But I'm not afraid
I won't give in!
I know the difference
I've seen the lines
I've walked them through and through.
I know the difference
Between love and desperation
Between hope and lies
I can tell the difference
I've seen the lines
I've read them too
And its a new day
New mistakes will be made,
But they won't involve you.

Answers

Close your eyes!
The bluebird whispered...
Feel the water between your toes
Take a walk in memory
Listen! To the wind
If you can't find
the answer there
Then the answer
Is not meant to be found
By any human
Of any kind